10th October 2009, was convocation day for my wife and all my other batchmates....except me (and Ruzain). It was supposed to be a joyous day. A day of celebration. But in the days leading up to Convocation day, I could not help myself from feeling isolated. I felt increasingly depressed. And on the day itself, I felt like crying. I was sitting up there in the hall when everyone else was lining up to get the scroll. I shouldn't be up there. I should be with my batchmates, having fun, enjoying the company. I was so caught up with my emotions that I didn't get my wife any flowers. I broke my own principles that day...share your happiness with everyone, but not sadness. I unhappy person should not make everyone else sad. It was a bad day for me. The romantic guy and fun side of me was not there.
I spent every ounce of effort in me to smile that day. Try to be happy for others. I think I managed to pull it off...fake my happiness to everyone else. But deep inside it still hurts. The fact that I didn't get any flowers for my wife still haunts me now. Some people might say that I should take this as a motivation for me to do better. But I don't really care much. Right now, I don't even feel like going to my convocation. There's nothing to celebrate, only nightmares to forget.
I have another 4 weeks to go for my professional. I try to study, but I feel like a zombie. I don't feel anything. I just hope what I study stays in my head. My goal is just to get out of here. Hopefully by 20th November 2009, I can leave this place. Move on with my life. Its been a dark episode. I can only wish it will make me stronger. Thanks to everyone who supported me through all this. A proper appreciation speech is due after everything is over. I don't want to keep my hopes up.
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