Hard Life

Its been almost a month since my wife was posted in Taiping Hospital. Its been challenging for us. Not a day goes by without me feeling depressed and guilty. My wife is going through hell because as a consequence of my actions. I failed to come up with a contingency plan in case something goes wrong. Never would I imagined I would be in this mess. Going through challenges is no big matter to me but seeing your loved ones suffering because of you is heart breaking.

I made the wrong choice in choosing Taiping. My rationale was it was somewhere not congested, a peaceful town. Since it is located mid way between 2 main cities (Penang and Ipoh) we can occasionally go north or south to shop. Plus I thought there'll be autonomy since its a distance from both our families. The cost of living is low too. I was hoping to save some money to prepare for a bigger family i.e. kids. But all this ideals crumbled just like that. I didn't do enough research on the hospital. It turns out to have a bad reputation. It seems there is not 1 thing that is right with the hospital. The Head of Department is ruthless (no tagging but expect H.O. to function immediately, slash leave allocations at his will, marah tak tentu pasal etc.). And to make it worse, she has to endure it on her own. She has no contacts, no friends. She comes back demotivated and after 3 weeks, I'm feeling demotivated as well.

For the past few weeks I either sleep alot or not sleep at all. I don't know how I spent my time. It takes loads of determination just for me to open up a book to read. I don't know what I enjoy doing anymore. Life is hard. I thought I can be strong but I am just a weakling...I thought time will heal all this misery but it is almost 2 months. I'm just waiting for a time to pick up the pieces. How it will turn out, only Allah knows...